The Sorting Hat Is Sorted
by Nicoley117-TheBlueMartini
Summary: We finally discover which house the Sorting Hat would be sorted into if he was human.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own it!

**A/N: **Hello people! This is my first ever Harry Potter Fic! WOOHOO! Very fun I must say. Well I've always had ideas for HP Fics but you know I don't believe I'm that great of a writer so I can only handle like quirky little fics! I also cannot stay committed to a story so I try to stick to OneShots. Yeah I'm not a committed person which explains why I use pencils all the time (My English teacher told us that people who use pens are commitment people while people who use pencils are not! Haha) Anyways I hope you enjoy this crazy one shot.

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**The Sorting Hat is Sorted**

_It seems to be that time of year_

_When I am placed upon this stool_

_I, a hat, will determine where you'll go_

_Don't be scared- no one is a fool_

_You all belong somewhere_

_That is why I am here_

_I will put you where you belong_

_And you shall not shed a tear_

_You will be put in one of four houses_

_Maybe you are loyal and sweet_

_True signs of a Hufflepuff_

_Or are you a genius and a real treat_

_The evidence of a Ravenclaw_

_Maybe you are brave and bold_

_A true likeness to Gryffindors_

_Or are you cunning, pure, and a tad cold_

_Just like a Slytherin_

_One of these descriptions fit you_

_Though you may or may not believe it_

_But this is all true_

_It is now time for the sorting_

_Place me upon your head_

_And I shall read your mind_

_Listen to all that is said_

_You may learn something new_

_But most importantly you will discover_

_What you will be throughout your years here_

_By what I uncover_

The students in the Great Hall applauded as I, the Sorting Hat, finished my annual song. It was a wonderful song of course, considering I wrote it and sang it myself. I have a brilliant mind I tell you. Then again, I really don't have a mind, but I can read other people's minds! Oh yes, that I can do and I am excellent at it if I say so myself.

And here comes the little kiddies now and McGonagall will call all their names off that really long list. _Sigh_. Even though I only do my job once a year, it sure becomes tiring. Here comes a young blonde girl, who I believe McGonagall called her 'Caitlin Adeleni'. She looks a bit frightened and is about to have me placed on her head. Well, I guess that is kind of scary…Ok better get on with this shindig!

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Oh, thank the heavens that is over! Good thing this only occurs once a year! I mean sure, it's amusing to read the little kiddies' thoughts-sometimes I even laugh at them. _HA HA HA!_ Oh I'm telling you it's such a great feeling! You should try it sometime. Anyway, my job is quite tiring and you practically lose your voice screaming out _'RAVENCLAW!', 'HUFFLEPUFF!', 'SLYTHERIN!',_ and _'GRYFFINDOR!' _over and over again. I should find a new job! Yes that is a splendid idea!

Wait…hang on…am I really capable of doing anything else? Plus, wasn't I created just for the purpose of sorting poor helpless children by Helga, Rowena, Godric, and Salazar? I can not let them down! Oh, if only the sorting was like Christmas! You know where the season is all whimsical and you receive gifts and maybe even a candy cane…Sadly, the sorting is not like that.

Ah, McGonagall is going to place me in my spot on top of the shelf in Dumbledore's office. Oh it's like a reserved parking place. I love it except for the fact I sit there the whole year –only occasionally leaving my spot- and I'm left there to collect dust! I am a dust collector! Not a stamp collector! A DUST COLLECTOR! Why can't Dumbledore buy a duster and then train Fawkes to dust me off every once in a while! Is that so much to ask?

AHH! McGonagall put me on something that has pinched me! It pinched me-THE SACRED SORTING HAT! Ow…It hurts. You know people don't realize that hats do indeed get hurt-BUT WE DO! What the heck did the old hag put me on anyway! It's a…..PIN CUSHION! WITH PINS! Why the heck does Dumbledore have a pin cushion in his office anyway? He is such a crazy, old fellow…

Oh good-McGonagall has seen the tomato looking pin cushion and has moved it out of my reserved parking space! AH thank god for Professor McGonagall-I'm sorry that I ever called her a hag…

Oh and now she's leaving…At least that and festivities are finally coming to an end! This is usually the time where I reflect on my day…where I think about what happened during the day…I mean I've got nothing else better to do anyway except write a new song for next year.

Let's see-today I did my usual sorting. _Yawn. _I wonder why I don't have a real name. Instead, I'm just named after what I do and then add my species (hat). Oh what a dull name.

And then, I sorted all the little brats. Hmm…you know what I've always wondered? I've always wondered which house would I be sorted in if I were being sorted!

Hmm…let's see here-I know I've got a bit of Gryffindor in me. I mean I am brave enough to sing a silly (yet brilliant) song in front of everyone at Hogwarts every single year. Who else would do that?

I'm loyal to Dumbledore and all the other professors. I do what is asked of me even though they don't ask me to do much. And I'm kind enough to do the sorting each year, which shows I could be a Hufflepuff.

Or maybe I'm a Ravenclaw. I mean I'm smart enough to know how to write a song and I know the proper houses to sort people into. Plus I know the whole history of the founders of the houses by heart.

Then again, I could be a Slytherin. I can be a little cruel sometimes to others in my thoughts and occasionally have an evil laugh about things.

So what exactly am I?

I've been able to sort everyone at Hogwarts…except myself! This is outrageous! I can't believe this! The world must be coming to an end! Oy vey…

Ok, calm down…Let's try to figure this out.

I'm a Ravenclaw.

No –wait- I'm a Slytherin!

NO! I am a Gryffindor!

No, I am most definitely a Hufflepuff!

AH! I DON'T KNOW!

Wait…I do know.

I know. YAY!

Everyone clap your hands and throw confetti because I know!

I am a Slyfinclawpuff! YES!

That is what I am! I am a combination of them all! (SLYtherin, gryfFINdor, ravenCLAW, and hufflePUFF)

But that isn't really a house…OK I AM MAKING MY OWN HOUSE!

Yes and I shall call it 'The Sorting Hat House' in which there is only one member of it….Me.

I should have a plaque made and have it placed by my side. It shall read…

_The Sorting Hat_

_The Sorting Hat House_

_King Slyfinclawpuff_

Oh yes-isn't that a splendid idea?

Oh it's such a wonderful feeling to be the only Slyfinclawpuff in the world…

Well I better get some rest…I need to start writing next year's song tomorrow!

_The End_

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**A/N: **Hope you liked it! And I hope you'll review too! 'Cause I'd really love to get reviews! TEEHEE Also note: I wrote the Sorting Hat song all by myself! YES! Go me! It may not be that great but I find it an absolutely spiffy for a first time! Oh Fun story time! I originally wrote this down on paper and when I was writing the Sorting Hat Song I wrote 'Sorting Hat Song' at the top. Well anyway my mom walked by to see what I was writing…well with my crazed writing she thought 'sorting' said Satan-she almost started freaking! Haha Also-the girl going up to the sorting hat named Caitlin is named after one of my friends (well not the last name part). She's the one who got me into Harry Potter! So kudos to her! Hehe

Merry Christmas or Merry Chrismukkah or Happy Holidays or Happy (Insert holiday you celebrate here)


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